“Did God send me here or did I send myself?”What a solemn thought. To think that I had sent myself to do a good work for God, without really knowing if that was the work that He had called me to do was soooo sobering.
It has been sooo long since writing on this blog! Yikes! Sorry 🙂
Well, if you keep up with our YouTube channel, you know that I recently went through a lot of changes, including moving to work at a Christian academy as a girls’ dean! (shoutout my girls over there! ;-)) God really blessed and I am so thankful for the experience! I was able to grow and heal in ways that I would have never dreamt of. I was able to help and reach others in ways I never knew I could by God’s grace! I had experiences I never knew I would have and it was God’s grace alone that kept and strengthened me through it all! Thank you Lord…so much :-). Being far away from home and going through the experiences I went through, I really practically learned what it is when Jesus is all you have, and you have to fall on Him and be broken, that self may completely die and that Jesus will truly be your only rock and source of strength. There were so many good times – so many precious memories and dear friends made and so many new little sisters and brothers (and a big brother and sister ;-)) gained :).
But with all of that said, God kept pricking my heart the whole time.
“Did God send me here or did I send myself?”
What a solemn thought. To think that I had sent myself to do a good work for God, without really knowing if that was the work that He had called me to do was soooo sobering. I mean, I never intentionally wanted to go outside of God’s will and just do what I wanted, but….through many things, God kept showing me that this is kind of what I had done. You see…I was at a point in my life where I was looking for something else instead of waiting or staying content and committed to what God had already given and shown me. I won’t get into too much further detail, but I tell you, I have learned more and more a bit about the “Jonah experience”.
So the Holy Spirit kept pricking my heart, showing me that I wasn’t doing what God had intended for me to do – I had mistakenly walked ahead of Him while thinking He was leading me there the whole time. So I had to pray. And not just pray, but agonize and pray. “Lord, what do I do?! What about my job? What about the girls?”, and the questions kept coming. I am so grateful for the sweet people that I got to work with; my supervisor had recommended at a point in my working at the school that I take some time off, get away and get some rest (being an academy girls’ dean is a lot of work and can burn you out!). I chose to go home and while there I prayed so earnestly and so much. “Lord please show me your will! If you want me to stay at the school, I will stay. If you want me to go back home, I will go. Just please show me your way, and your way alone – my feelings not included.”
I especially prayed for indications of God’s providence — for things to occur that would clearly show God’s hand moving in a certain direction. Through Bible study and my devotions, I would read things that made me feel that for sure I was to return home! But then I would read others that when I read them made me think…hmmm..but that could be a sign to stay where I am! LOL. So I needed more assurance from God. I even thought about “laying out some fleeces” like Gideon did in the Bible!’
Well, I said that very special prayer with asking for providence my first night upon arriving back at home. Don’t forget the request for providence! Now before I tell you what happened the next day, I want to share this thought with you as well. Doing this ministry and the shop full time was always the plan and goal while doing this new job, but once the job started it was realized quickly that I wouldn’t be able to do so – not if was going to do the new job in the best way possible to honor God and serve the girls. So I had to pray and ask, “Lord which ministry do you want me to focus on 100% right now – home and Hem of His Garment, or being girls’ dean? For both are ministries and important, but which one (as I can’t do both fully) is your will for me?” The Lord had shown me plans for Hem of His Garment, and it was breaking my heart that with my new job I wasn’t able to fulfill them, but perhaps He wanted me to put those plans on hold – but I needed to hear it from Him! So now to the next day.
I was walking in WALMART with my mom and youngest sister. As we are walking up an aisle, a young lady comes up to me. She seemed a little shy, but she had something to say . (This is probably not word-for-word so I can’t be 100% quote -worthy LOL) “Um, hi, excuse me, I just wanted to say something to you. You really need to make more videos!” My facial expression must have been something like this –> o_0. “Uhh…..you..you watch my videos on YouTube?” I was s t u n n e d to say the least! LOL Here I was about 815 miles away from my new home back down south, and now at a grocery store up north, I was hearing this! We had a nice little talk there and then she returned to work. My mom, sister and I all looked at each other just amazed. “Is this not a sign from God or what?”, we were thinking. Recently before this interaction, there were more providential occurrences that involved people talking and asking about my ministry and how I needed to continue and go forward with it – A LOT. So this was like the “icing on the cake”. But it’s not over :).
She came back. She came back and said to me that she had more to share. She had been keeping up with the ministry for some years now and about a year and a half ago she had a dream about me. I won’t share all the details, but after she shared I felt so assured that this was a sign from God answering my prayers, and I believed I knew the answer to my dilemma. I said, “Thanks so much for sharing this; you know, I have been praying that God would show me His will regarding what He would have me to do in some areas of my life and this really helps!” She then went on to say “Whatever you were doing one year and a half ago, that’s what you need to be doing.” By God’s grace, when I get to heaven, I want to see what my facial expressions were throughout this conversation! LOL. Daphne, thank you for letting God use you to help me with my decision making ;-).
I was home. A year and a half ago I was home and doing full time ministry in my home, church and online with Hem of His Garment. And there is nothing wrong with that. God calls some people to home ministry – to serve, to grow…to live for Him in a special way. And I am okay with that :-). For many reasons, I knew God wanted me home to help be a blessing to my mother and siblings in a great time of need. God has been bringing us through a lot. I knew He had more training for me as He reared me to be the virtuous woman He would have me to be and to know how to help run a home if it was His will for me to do so one day. Home was where I could do my ministry full time with support from my family. More than anything, home was the place He had chosen for me to be prepared for the soon coming of Jesus. So much more happened, but to sum this update up, I am back home, and I am at peace. Being in God’s will truly brings the most peace, and when we are out of it, it brings so much unrest to the soul – I am a witness! And do you know how God is?! God provided the girls with a new dean who is a wife and mom to four! She is so sweet! Their whole family is! They will all be working together helping their mom to be a blessing to the girls at the academy. Their whole family has a ministry as well, and those girls will have the mom figure I knew they needed. Big sister figures are cool, but we all need a mommy (especially for when you are in boarding school away from home!) ^_^. I had been praying about that too – what is best for the girls Lord? Who is best to lead them while they are here? They will also have dad figure – so important for these young girls! And now they have added siblings too! 🙂 A lot of them are excited about my ministry and store plans as well and were encouraging me to please get the store started so they can get nice modest things too! LOL. Well, now I will surely have the time; God is good :-). I am so glad to have made those connections with them. I LOVE YOU GIRLS if you’re reading this!! 😉 Romans 8:28 – All things have truly worked together for the good of God’s children!
Well everyone, that brings me back to where I am now. I am HOME. And most importantly, in God’s will – safe and secure and at peace. I have learned so much! And I am ready to go forward with this ministry, officially full time! Please pray for me as I go forward! I have a lot to share with you all!
God bless you! Jesus is coming soon!